SA: Hello and welcome to Hwa-ting sports! I am Mr.S.
PM: And I’m Paul.
SA: And we are the hosts of Hwa-ting Sports podcast. We focus on sports played in South Korea, their history and other things of interest. You can find this podcast on Spotify and other spots, and episodes on our website, when we make one.
PM: What’s our credentials you ask? We’re long-time residents who’ve lived here for decades and we’ve been to sooo many sporting events! But the sports podcast market is a bit empty (cricket sounds) so you’ve got us and only us! With that, 1, 2, 3 Hwa-ting!
SA: And now we will (Whistle sound) WHAT??
PM: We’er talking about football today. We have to bring out the whistle.
SA: Ohhh this is gonna be a frustrating one. Where’s my beer? *Can popping open*
PM: Today is the day we talk about the K-League playoffs! Because why else would we cover the league?
SA: (Sarcastic voice) Other than when they win Worst Persons in the Sports World?
PM: They seem to win those awards a lot, don't they?
SA: Well it’s their own fault! Can they go a whole episode without pissing me off? (Whistle sound) NOW WHAT???
PM: Offsides penalty. Rambling.
SA: GAWD DANG IT! Alright let’s get into it. You play the reporter and I’ll play the Jeonbuk FC coach right now.
PM: OK let me clear my throat (coughs) “This is Mr. P at HSPN news. Coach S, what is your strategy to get Jeonbuk out of the relegation round?
SA: *sound like Jim Mora* PLAYOFFS??! PLAYOFFS???! WE TALKIN’ ABOUT PLAYOFFS?! HELL I JUST WANNA WIN A GAME!
PM: Yes coach, that's the point. If you don’t win at least 1 more game, you’ll be automatically relegated to K2.
SA: We can’t do diddly poo offensively or defensively! We couldn’t get a first down-
PM: Uh coach, that’s American football not football.
SA: Well there’s my problem…
Playoff Rules
PM: Like we discussed in episode 4, the league has a promotion-relegation system, as all good association football leagues ought to have. Take that MLS. It’s probably trite of me to say so but I’ll never understand how the country most connected to the “virtues” of capitalist competition would be the one that is most resistant to a promotion-based sports league. Mr. S, as an American do you have anything to contribute to this other than the usual, “it would never work in the States” excuse you always hear?
SA: What can I say? The exorbitant franchise fees paid by expansion clubs ensures that while it might work, they’ll never go for it. Who’d pay 50 million bucks for a brand new team that could easily get demoted? But if soccer had a player draft like the other leagues do, the bottom feeders could improve faster.
PM: True. The franchise system is the big roadblock. But back to sensible football leagues, the way it works in K-League 1 is a little more forgiving than in, say, the English Premiership which relegates 3 clubs per season. Here in Korea the worst team is automatically punted down to K2, with the winners of K2 taking their place.
SA: Those are the only 2 guarenteed changes from one season to the next.
PM: The K League 1’s 10th and 11th place sides then have to play the playoff winners from K2. In a bad year - or a good year, depending on whose side you take - as many as 3 K-League 1 teams could end up being relegated.
SA: As of right now, that could be Jeonbuk, Daegu and Incheon United. But are the K2 contenders good enough? Not according to some of the analysts at KLeagueUnited. They noticed the top 5 contenders haven’t even won 3 straight games lately. In order to advance, the playoff winners have to play a K1 team and beat them twice. And as of right now, I can see the challengers winning at least once but not twice.
PM: They just don’t have the consistency, do they?
SA: Like a souffle made at a cooking school! All flat n shit *joke sting*!
PM: Clearly these teams have problems. But who do you think has the secret sauce to overcome their issues and make a run?
SA: For K2 it’s hard to say. They have one more month of play after this episode goes out, and only 6 points separates Chungnam Asan in second and Suwon City in 8th place. I wanna say Anyang should stand out in 1st, but I’m not sold on that prediction and neither is KLeague United. Anyway, they’ll have playoffs in November to determine the 2 teams that’ll play K1’s dregs in December.
PM: If things are as inconsistent as the wags are claiming this situation ought to favour Anyang. Their grip may not be strong but no one seems hot on their tails, are they?
SA: No, they’re not. If things continue as is then it’s Anyang’s to lose.
PM: K1 is a little easier to figure out. By the time you hear this, the last game of the regular round will be over and the schedule for the split round will be up. So who will that be?
SA: For now, the top 6 teams are Ulsan, Gimcheon, Gangwon, Pohang, FC Seoul, and Suwon FC. The last 2 and Gangwon were bad last year with Suwon almost getting relegated.
PM: Basically you’re saying that this is Ulsan’s 3rd year in a row for the golden boot. What about the challengers?
SA: They are not much of a challenge. Ulsan’s won 4 out of 5 including against 2nd place Gimcheon last week. There probably won’t be anyone that can beat them 2 times in the next 6 games. But this year we get a surprise.
PM: A surprise? Like a decoder ring in a Cracker Jack Box? Didn’t you love it when an elementary school bully stole a kid’s Cracker jack and swallowed everything but choked on one of the toys? Watching the life fade from their panicked eyes was one of my favorite things in school.
SA: Why Mr. P! That’s a horrible thing to say! I’m sure the bully was a nice kid inside. If…who am I kidding? I would’ve laughed as well!
PM: Full disclosure: Mr. S wrote the preceding exchange. I would never do such a thing because it wasn’t so funny when it happened to me.
LAUGHTER
SA: So this year’s surprise is that Gimcheon cannot participate in the AFC because they’re a military team! Basically they’re playing for personal honor at this point. That means their spot in the AFC automatically goes to another team, if Gimcheon gets into 2nd or 3rd place. There’s another competing factor as well, the Korea Cup. The final is November 30th between Ulsan and Pohang and the winner of that game goes to the AFC as well. Therefore, if either team wins and they’re already in the top 3, their other spot gets passed to the next lower team.
PM: And that means there’s a possibility that Ulsan could win the cup and pass their entry to the 5th ranked team in K1, assuming Gimcheon places 2nd or 3rd and passes their entry to the 4th ranked team. And the 6th place team, probably Suwon at this point, would be left looking like that one meme with John Travolta turning left and right in confusion.
SA: Everybody gets in but me? (Dangerfield voice) I gets no respect! No respects, I tell you!
PM: So when do the playoffs start up?
SA: After next week because of the break for World Cup qualifiers against Jordan last night and Iraq on Oct 15th at Yongin stadium.
PM: At Yongin?! That stadium’s half the size of Seoul World Cup! Why is it there?
SA: The grass is fucked. Anyway, K1 returns Oct 18th and Pohang vs Suwon is gonna be interesting. But the 19th’s Gimcheon vs Ulsan revenge game will be the cream of the crop. And while it’s not certain yet, any game with Incheon’s gonna be fun because they REALLY don’t wanna get relegated.
PM; If you want to know when your favorite team’s playing, we’re posting a link in our show notes!
Game of the week/Worst persons in the Sports World
PM: That music’s on again.
SA: You know what that means. What’s gonna be our game of the week?
PM: I have a feeling you’re going to pick baseball again, Mr. S.
SA: Oh yeah! It’s the playoffs! Of course we gotta pick a baseball game! I’m going with Game 1 of LG or KT vs Samsung Lions in Daegu.
PM: Damn you Mr S, I was going to say that! As I scramble to think of something else to suggest, who do you think it’ll be, LG or KT? At the time of recording, their “semi-playoff” series is deadlocked at two games apiece with the deciding game scheduled for Oct 11.
SA:
PM: Also, since I still can’t think of anything, what the hell is a “semi-playoff” supposed to be? Half a playoff? Part playoff, part meaningless exhibition match?
SA: It could be a form of Konglish we’ve never encountered before.
PM: Anyway, after much stalling, I think I have something! If you happen to be in Busan, you can check out American College Football at 기장철마체육공원 this weekend. Interest in gridiron football is up these days with 구영회 kicking some much needed extra points for the Atlanta Falcons who are even getting some Korean sports TV coverage. Hines Ward’s fame in this country was fleeting but does Goo have what it takes to be a major star in this country? Only time will tell.
SA: After last week’s performance he might be on the Falcon’s shit list.
PM: He ought to try monetizing it for all its worth while the going’s good.
Music again
PM: Here we go. I know what that tune means.
SA: Yup, you know it! We’ve got terrible things to talk about! The worst persons in the Sports World! The Nap award goes to… the Doosan Bears for being the first 4th place team to lose and not advance. They didn’t even score a run! SSG vs KT was more fucking exciting!
PM: Talk about a disappointment! A Doosan-LG wildcard in Jamsil would have been a banger!
SA: They did all that work for nothing!
PM: I gotta say, if a baseball team coming up short takes one of your worst persons awards then I’m going to wager it’s been a slow week for scandals. The next two had better be good!
SA: Oh they are. And on to the next problem! The Radon award goes to… Gwangju FC and Ulsan FC over their pitch problems that are so bad the AFC cup games were moved to Yongin Stadium for Gwangju and Ulsan Civic Stadium for Ulsan (NB: Ulsan for Ulsan? Is one of them meant to be Ilsan per chance? The regular Ulsan Munsu stadium is different than the large WC stadium). Why aren’t they taking care of their pitches? I know it rained a lot this summer but still!
PM: I suppose I finally have an answer to why they never have qualifiers or international friendlies in cities like Gwangju because I’m sure it has nothing to do with Seoulites always getting everything they want.
SA: Gwangju hosted an AFC game against Yokohama last month at the World Cup stadium but it’s a mess now too. And finally the Plutonium award! TO the KFA for hiring Hong as the national team coach without following procedure and now FIFA is mad at the KFA and could ban the national teams from playing for years, due to governmental interference in the operations of the team. Kuwait got banned from FIFA games because the government was improperly interfering with the team.
PM: This seems pretty serious. Hong Myung-bo was a great player who was on the Korean national team in four World Cups on the bounce but he hasn’t done much to endear himself in his new role. That said, he’s mostly the face of a very corrupt system.
SA: Do you think the fans will protest and DDOS attack the FIFA site again like they did after the 06 World Cup? That was the one in which the guy dropped his pants in the middle of the street during a protest.
PM: I don’t know if it will be as fierce as that time. You have to remember that that was coming off the high of 2002 when expectations for the ‘06 team were way out of whack. They failed to get out of their group and then that shit happened and it was as if Korea was once again a football backwater. Oh how they yearned for Guus Hiddink to return to the fold.
SA: But you could say it’s much the same now.
PM: Yes and it could even be worse. One of Hiddink’s key moves was to dispense with favouritism. He had no interest in giving more playing time to Korea or Yonsei University students as previous managers saw fit to do and chose his team based on merit. I remember being told that Park Ji-sung, who had a breakout performance in 2002, might not have even been named to the team had it been run by the old guard. But now with Hong it feels like this old guard has returned.
SA: How do you see it playing out?
PM: It’s difficult to say. I have a hard time believing that it will indeed result in Korea getting booted out of international football but it seems equally hard to believe that Hong will last long.
SA: Korea’s lucky they have a relatively easy path to the next World Cup.
PM: I know but it might do them some good if disaster struck and they actually managed to miss one. Then we might finally see some real reform.
Ending
PM: Thank you for tuning in today. Please share this podcast with your friends & family, anyone you think would be interested in knowledgeable takes on all Korean Sports.
SA: Especially give this to rookies. They need alllll the help they can get.
PM: Don’t forget to rate our podcast, if the site you’ve got has a rating system. But don’t do it if you don’t like us.
SA: You can email the show at hwatingsportspodcast at gmail.com or leave a comment on our various podcast sites. Hate mail will be read aloud on special episodes and ruthlessly mocked.
PM: Fan mail will be mocked but in a more wholesome way.
SA: Our next episode will be October 25th, and we’re covering basketball!
PM: At long bloody last the KBL is set to return! And not a moment too soon if you ask me.
SA: I didn’t ask as a matter of fact.
PM: I did say “if you ask me”. A hypothetical is all.
SA: So many questions: Can KCC Egis repeat their miracle playoff run?
PM: …uh, that’s the only one I’ve thought of so far.
SA: Oh me too.
PM: We’ll come up with more by the time that episode drops. We promise!
SA: Music notes like the opening song thanks to DumiAFava. Cover art thanks to our live-in cycling expert James! Until then, sports fans! Have a happy and relaxing weekend!
PM: Guests of the Hwa-ting Sports Podcast stay at Min-joo’s Noraebang in downtown Osong City. His business is down because people finally realized that Karaoke is stupid so why not come crash on his many beer/vomit/blood/urine soaked sofas? Put yourself to sleep to the sounds of calming K-Pop and Trot music. Min-joo even provides a wake up service of crashing tambourines while screaming into a mic. Settle in with a loved one and you’ll put the bang in noraebang!
NOTES
News: 2024 K League 1 Final A & B Fixtures announced