Baseball tune
SA: Annyeong Haseyo folks! We’re going to talk about the big hype in sports right now, the baseball playoffs!
PM: You can tell he’s excited because KIA has the #1 seed. After seven straight rebuilding seasons they finally rebuilt the team into a winner. That constant rebuilding into a perpetual loser must’ve been tough. I myself am looking forward to the inevitable re-tearing it down in a year or two. Or less.
SA: This is our year baby! WHOOOO!
PM; Didn’t you say that last year too?
SA: I was actually rooting for the Dinos because I liked when they raised the Conduct sword when they won in 2020. I don’t think the other teams did anything special like that when they won, but now I want KIA to borrow the LSU tiger and run him around the field if they win.
PM: I assume Korea University already turned down your request to borrow their beloved mascot. Why don’t you borrow one from Seoul Zoo?
SA; Have you ever seen those tigers? I watch DongMulNongJang from time to time. Those tigers are always cuttin’ up! I bet one of them would run away from the handler, jump into the kids area and start eating barbecue chicken off the picnic tables.
PM: Strange, whenever I tune into 동물몽장 it’s either a segment about busting a dog meat farm or an unruly bichon causing chaos to a family in Ilsan. Hint people: bichons cause nothing but chaos and I say that as a proud papa to a naughty shitzu-poodle mix. So, you believe that the LSU Tiger is better behaved than the Seoul Zoo’s tigers - or, indeed, bichons?
SA: Their tigers have been so well-behaved that they have never been accused of biting a rival fan. All rumors have been proven 100% false and the real biter was the Auburn tiger. Except for that one time in the 50s but that doesn’t count.
PM: Riiiiggghhhhtttt. The 50s: the decade of Elvis and Althea Gibson and those disgusting jello salads with tuna and celery but with a curious lack of maulings. Well anyway, we’re going to start our episode by talking about what we like about the league. Mr.S you go first, because you like the league a good deal more than I do.
SA: Thank you Mr. P. I like the overall good mood of the players, most of the time. There was one game a decade ago in which a pitcher softly beaned a hitter, that hitter pretended to be hurt then ran out to the mound and all the players started hopping around to play chicken fighting with each other. Ohh you couldn’t do this in the MLB. Some managers and announcers are too curmudgeon for that. *Snarky voice* we have to take the game seriously ooohhh. Now onto to you.
PM: I don’t wish to imply that I don’t like the KBO, my bigger problem is with baseball itself. No, the KBO renewed my interest in the game somewhat. For some it was the strike of ‘94 that turned them off; for others it was the steroid scandal; but for me it was when the Montreal Expos moved when everything went to shit. And they had to move to DC of all places too, that was an additional kick in the nuts. I would have been somewhat okay had they done the brave thing and permanently relocated to Puerto Rico as had been rumoured. No, I think the thing I like the most about the KBO is that it has a major league feel with minor league support, as if I’m back to rooting for both the Expos and the Pacific Coast League’s old Calgary Cannons at the same time.
SA: A thing I dislike about the league is the lack of teams. I think even with NCs struggles, the league can support 12 teams. There are enough companies out there. I think the league should slightly lower their bidding process and put a team on Jeju and either boot Sangmu military team up to the big leagues or create a Chuncheon Gangneung team. If the Gangwon team plays their spring games in the much warmer Gangneung slash Donghae area and the summer games in Chuncheon, it could work. Or we can go with your idea Mr. P, of an Ulsan slash Pohang regional team.
PM: You’re really sold on the idea of a Jeju team. I mean I see the appeal too, but you’re probably thinking mathematically as usual.
SA: Pretty much every regional airport flies to Jeju city and there’s a plan to build a new airport on the east coast. With coordination from the airlines we can get fans to and from Jeju fairly easy, especially if an LCC like Jeju Air decides to main sponsor a team. I mean, if you’re a Daegu-based Samsung Lions fan, it’s faster for you to fly the 1 hour to Jeju and 15 minute bus ride to the stadium than it is to get to Munhak stadium in Incheon. Hell you can even have night games if they end before 10pm and fans can be airborne before midnight.
PM: It’s like an airborne version of the Seoul market. If you’re a fan of a Seoul team you can get to a game within 2 hours anywhere in the northern part of the country. I’ve often wondered though if the Seoul teams get the same level of support of fans traveling all over the country to see them play as your Kias, Lottes and Samsungs enjoy. Though to be on topic, it seems like a minor problem.
SA: Yeah a bigger problem would be the TVing streaming contract. One of the best things about the games being free on Naver TV was that it was super accessible. Now it’s gated like football is now. Either I gotta get cable or TVing. GRRRR.
PM: Strange, watching games on TV still isn’t a problem. Old guys in this country would stage a revolt when and if MBC and KBS ever stop carrying ball games. And now we move onto my gripe before you bite the microphone again.
SA: GRRRR ow my tooth!
PM: I’m probably in the minority on this one but I wish going to games could sometimes be a little more relaxing. The noisy crowds chanting non-stop can be a lot of fun at first but the novelty wears off pretty damn fast. Actually, scratch that: I’ve never really liked the noise and the chanting and all that. I used to go to Heroes games in Mokdong in which there might have been a dozen young people on their feet cheering while everyone else - and, to be sure, there weren’t many more of us - would just sit there and watch as our team lost. Those were the days. That said, there’s a bun for every burger and sometimes it can be fun to be at a rockin’ game. Going to see a Doosan-LG clash at Jamsil Stadium is an experience every sports fan in Korea should have. For the most part, however, I like to sit back, have a drink, shoot the shit and make fun of everyone on the field and maybe shout if something rare occurs, like, say, that rarest of occurrences in modern baseball, a double play.
SA: I kinda like the dancing and movement. Makes me feel like I’m in an aerobics studio and the game is secondary. Lotte Giants games in Sajik are like that. However, if you’re not used to it, it can wear you out real quick and you’ll be wishing you got the outfield grass section instead. Anyway, after our experience at the Yon-Ko games, the cheering baseball fans seem like a gentle breeze compared to that hurricane of shouting we went through. Don’t you agree?
PM: Well, there’s no doubt about that. Even your most obnoxious, acts-as-if-he-owns-the-place Giants fan chanting about how you should give the foul ball you caught to some stupid kid could learn from Korea and Yonsei University students. In fact, maybe they are alumni from those schools but middle age and having a consistently crummy club to root for has led, to quote Allison the Basketcase from 80’s classic The Breakfast Club, to their hearts dying. It happens to the best and, indeed, the worst of us: I used to listen to indie rock but now I’m into jazz fusion. But I’m okay with that.
Reformatting the playoffs.
SA: One problem with the league that we both agree on is the playoff format. It’s a ladder system in which the weakest team aka the 5th place team plays the 4th place team in a double elimination game. Basically the 5th place team has to win twice in the wild card whereas the 4th place team has to win once in two games to advance. The winner goes on to play the 3rd place team in a best of 5 series, who then goes to play the 2nd, and then Shao Khan at the top in a 7 game series.
PM: In the worst case scenario the playoffs could run into November when snowstorms become a possibility, not to mention the feeling that the season might never end. This can also affect the Shao Khan, or pennant winning team because they could wait as long as 3 weeks to play again. You’d think that would be a lot of rust to recover from.
SA: It doesn’t seem to affect the first place teams all that much. They’ve won the chip more times than not. The Doosan Bears have been the only team to climb out of the wild card to face the top team but have never won. Whereas in the States the top team regularly gets knocked off, sometimes without even reaching the League finals.
PM: A lot of baseball purists don’t like that, but what say you?
SA: I’m more of a modernist than a purist so I feel like the Keith Olbermanns of the baseball world have the wrong idea. Some teams catch lightning in a bottle and some of the 1st place teams had lucky schedules where they beat up on the White Soxes of the league, but their weaknesses are exposed by October. Look, all I’m saying is you’re the #1 team and you can’t handle a few days off? What kinda weaksauce excuse is that?
PM: Well then, shall we talk about our solutions?
SA: I will preface this part of the podcast by saying that we’re not the only ones discussing this issue. I once saw a Baseball tonight episode in which former players were presenting their ideas. So I get the sense that a reformat of the playoff structure from the Mortal Kombat format to an evenly distributed one is on the table.
PM: Let’s do this!
SA: Alright, finally! My idea is to have a 5 team playoff in which team #5 plays #2, then #4 plays #3 in a best of 3 series with the last game at the lower seeded team stadium. Then the two advancing teams play each other in a best of 5, and the winner goes on to play the #1 seed. At most the #1 team would wait for 2 weeks before playing again.
PM: That's not that much of a change. You would still give the first place team a long break.
SA: I think winning the title should have the perk of rest. If the coach feels the team’s getting rusty they can play their minor league team in a few practice games. Anyway, what’s your idea?
PM: First, realign the ten team league into a two five team North and South divisions. I’d have the 5 Metro Seoul clubs make up one division and the rest in the other but if they want to go with having the regions mixed up like the way they run the All-Star Game then so be it. Make it unbalanced to have more inter-division action in the regular season so that it isn’t just done for show. You with me so far?
SA: Just about.
PM: At the end of the regular season, the two pennant winners receive a bye while each division’s second and third place teams play best of five quarter finals. The winners of those move on to face the pennant winners in the best of seven semi-finals. Winners of the semis meet in the finals. Easy.
SA: Okay but…
PM: I know what you’re thinking: won’t this extend the playoffs even longer?
SA: I wasn’t thinking that at all…
PM: Not to worry! Quarter and semi finals would be run concurrently so, say, SSG Landers and Kiwoom Heroes - assuming they ever escape the league’s basement - play on a Tuesday in the North division series and then Kia and Samsung meet the following night. Back and forth means fewer layoffs. Because for me it isn’t simply that the playoffs go too long but there are too many days without games during this time as well. This would mean more revenue from tickets, concessions and merch and more fan interest in general. Plus, six teams would end up qualifying for the playoffs instead of the current five. All the while taking roughly the same amount of time. For the life of me I can’t see a downside. Ladies and gentlemen, I now give the floor to Mr S for the inevitable downside that I never considered and which will completely torpedo my idea.
SA: I’m not fully ready to torpedo your response. In fact, if the league expands, your idea to split the league into 2 divisions would work wonders. The problem I have is the number of games. In the worst case scenario, that gives us 19 playoff games. I don’t have a big problem with the teams playing the extra games, but the weather conditions might. As you know there is only 1 dome in the country and that’s associated with 1 team. In the south it doesn’t really snow until mid December, but around Seoul you start to get the colder winds from Northern China & Russia as early as October. It would not be a fun game to play or attend a cold blustery game in early November in Incheon, lemme tell you.
PM: So what would you change?
SA: How about making the first round a 3 game series and the playoffs a 5 game, then the Korean series to a best of 7? That would put us at a maximum of 15 games, and I think Korea would be done with baseball before mid-november. I also feel like with the current number of teams and the times they play each other, we don’t need more games to know who’s the better team.
PM: Ah so we’re now moving into the critique which is not unlike complaints that the NHL playoffs are too long when, in fact, it is the regular season which is the one that really drags out. You don’t want the baseball playoffs going until well into November? It might help if the regular season wouldn’t keep going until the end of September. This is, incidentally, where I side with the Keith Olbermans: you play a 162 games (or 144 in the case of the KBO), you ought to be rewarded with a meaningful pennant and a place in the finals as they always used to do. Bringing more teams into the playoffs ought to have seen a reduction in regular season games but for some reason the owners weren’t receptive to this.
SA: Yes, but those NHL games are indoors, whereas baseball is outdoors. Now I think with the warmer fall you can get away with a slightly longer season. This year they didn’t have many makeup games in October, which certainly would have affected the start of the playoffs. I’m thinking more about the fans instead of the players since they get to run around a field and stay warm. Anyway, we’re starting to talk in circles again.
PM: We should make a poll about this- whose playoff bracket do you listeners prefer?
SA: If I win you owe me good pizza.
PM: What do I get if I win?
SA: Hmm, what do we have in my town that you can eat? Ah! Escargot!
Language tips
PM: You wanted to share some language tips, Mr. S.
SA: Yes, considering that stats are more discussed in baseball than in other sports. Listeners will probably encounter the Naver sports page first. But I’m not saying there aren’t English language alternatives out there. MyKBO stats dot com has box scores for each game.
PM: And Koreabaseball dot com doesn’t?
SA: Not in English. They’ve got the scoreboard and the team stats, and that’s it.
PM: Once again, a well-run organization website. Really getting mid-teens Nonghyup banking vibes here.
SA: For those of you who didn’t live in Korea 10 years ago, Nonghyup bank had one of the more difficult English banking sites to deal with. These days it’s better but dammmnnn they were bad back then.
PM: Banking woes aside, you wanted to teach the listeners about how to read a box score, right?
SA: Of course. If for whatever reason MyKboStats is down, you can read the box score on Naver Sports or Daum. It roughly follows the standardized model with batting or pitching going first, split between each team. 타수 means at-bats, 이닝 means innings pitched, 안타 means hit, you can hear the fans chant this word sometimes. 득점 means run scored, 사사구 means walks, 삼진 means strikeout, 타율 means batting average but I think that and homerun are fairly obvious.
PM: And 이닝 is what again?
SA: You’re hopeless.. 자책점 means earned run but if you run it through google translate it comes up as quote blame yourself unquote.
PM: Really? ‘Blame Yourself’ would be a much better translation for ‘unearned run’, wouldn’t it? (laughing)
SA: Indeed. Also, 세이브 means save.
PA: 세이브 means save? Complicated stuff. As Lyle Lanley said in the Monorail episode of The Simpsons, “Mono means one and rail means rail. And that concludes our intensive three week course” Anyway, so answer me this: there is a belief among fans that the bullpens are constantly blowing games. Any truth to that?
SA: It certainly feels like it at times but the league doesn’t keep track of blown saves so I don’t have a definitive answer. But Lopez of the Kia Tigers a decade ago used to throw as long as he could so his bullpen couldn’t blow the game. He even argued with the manager a few times while on the mound. This was before the big match-fixing scandals so maybe he knew something was up? I don’t know for certain.
Playoffs explanation
SA: The playoffs are here. We’ll start with the #1 seed the KIA Tigers. Last year they barely made the playoffs and didn’t make a run. This year they’ve matched their record from 2017 with 86 wins, enough for a seven game lead in the standings. They’ve got the best pitchers in Naile and 정해영 and-
PM: Well you should say “had” because Naile is out for the season with a fractured jawbone after getting hit by a line drive.
SA: I was hoping to forget that. He might be back by the time Kia plays again, though.
PM: A definite upside to having that 3 week layover.
SA: Unfortunately, his replacement Stout is out for the year too because of hamstring issues.
PM: We’re falling apart here!
SA: Medic! *joke sting*
PM: Poor old Stout. But you know what they say, “Ale’s well that ends well!” You know because ‘stout’ is a type of beer. Sorry it was the best I could do. Couldn’t for the life of me think of a Guiness pun, much to my eternal shame.
SA: Fortunately for KIA, they also have pitching hero Yang Hyeong Jang as a 4th starter. He helped them win the Korean series waaay back in 09 and 17! They also have the triple 30 3rd baseman Kim Do Yeong.
PM: Triple 30? Is this some new moneyball thing like WHiPs?
SA: No, it’s because he has over 30 home runs, 40 stolen bases, and 30 errors. You uh, take the good and the bad with him.
PM: Take that Ohtani! Still, making errors at third base happens to the best of us. I’ve certainly made plenty trying to get to third, eh guv’nor?
SA: Your stats must be off the chart in that regard.
PM: Moving on, the #2 seed belongs to Samsung Lions, who also needed a little help from Kia to keep a surging #3 LG out of their spot. The Lions have been a surprise success story this year, a turnaround from 8th place last season. They’ve got top 5 hitters and pitchers including 2 with high WHIP numbers. What does that mean, WHIPs? Are they going down the opposing lineup, hitting players with an Indiana Jones whip? [Whip sound]
SA: With 1.20 WHIP, I bet hitters feel like they’ve been whipped. *Joke sting*
LAUGHTER.
PM: Against the Tigers the Lions have been thoroughly whipped, losing 6 times in the past 7 matches. [Whip sound] Do we have to do this for the rest of the broadcast?
SA: Since when have we missed an opportunity to overuse a sound effect? Anyway, in third place are the LG Twins, last season’s winners. Can they continue their winning ways, now that the league has clearly improved against them? They’ve got a top 5 pitcher in Detrick Ens, a hitting machine in Austin Dean and a base stealing bandit in 박해민. They only have 1 top 10 pitcher in ERA and that could be a problem against the heavy hitting teams. But at least they’re not totally dependent on their foreign players like NC is. They’ve been playing better lately than the top 2 seeds but it wasn’t enough to overtake them.
PM: They could be this year’s dark horse, which seems like a strange thing to say given that they won it all last season. I’m trying to think of a similar example of a team that wins the championship but is treated as a virtual afterthought just a year later. Maybe the St Louis Blues after they won their lone Stanley Cup. Anyway, the 4 seed are the Doosan Bears. Coincidentally, they play in Jamil with the Twins. They’ve got a hot 4 game winning streak and the best pitcher in baseball this season in Kwak Bin at 15 wins along with the top 2 base stealers. It really says a lot about the way pitchers are deployed nowadays that 15 victories is considered quite a feat. It’s not exactly Denny McLaine winning 31 back in the late sixties, is it?
SA: However Kwak Bin’s ERA is well north of 4, and their other starters are above 5, which means the Bears will need to rely on their offense to carry them to victory.
PM: With those 2 stealing machines, they could literally run away with the game because they stole all the bases off the field. Huh? Huh??
SA: The game is over, folks! The bases are no longer on the field!
PM: And now we have to talk about the most difficult part- the 5th seed. There were some hijinks at the end of the season involving SSG Landers and the KT Whiz. Mr. S, you were supposed to keep track of that. What’s happening there?
SA: They played each other on Tuesday night. KT got out to an early lead but SSG rallied and took a commanding 2-1 lead for most of the game. Then they got a homerun in the eight to make it 3 to 1 but the Whiz weren’t done.
PM: Whizzing their pants. Huh? Huh?
SA: I see what you did there! No, KT’s Rojas hit a 3 run homerun to take the lead. That certainly made SSG whiz their pants. Then in the top of the 9th, they got a base hit and brought in the Rangers former star Choo Shin Soo with a lifetime batting average of 276. The SSG fans were roaring, the KT fans were on their feet. This was the moment they’ve been waiting for, the moment Choo’s wanted all year long! Their hopes soaring, prayers being made to God, Buddha and minor deities! And he…struck out. Then the next hitter struck out and that was the ballgame. Good job, Landers! You were 6 outs away from going to the playoffs. If I were the Yinnzer, I’d give you the LOLCOW of the season for that failure of a performance.
PM: That might have been the last at-bat of Choo’s career. So now what can we expect for the playoffs?
SA: Just today, KT defeated Doosan which means the playoffs start with KT at LG in Jamsil. So much for a Jamsil series, huh? Oh well, this is more of a subway series anyway.
How to watch
PM: It can be a real pain in the ass to follow the KBO outside of Korea, Mr. S.
SA: Indeed, Mr. P. Fortunately, a new player in the market has come our way.
PM: Oh really? What’s this guy’s name? And where’s he from? What position does he play? All that good stuff!
SA: Not that kind of player…
PM: Oh, so he’s a ladies man, huh? Nice. (whip sound)
SA: No, it’s not a…wait, why did you make the whipping sound? Does he like being whipped or does he do the whipping?
PM: I don’t know, you brought him up. You tell us.
SA: Okay, let’s start over. Starting this year, fans overseas can watch the KBO on Soop live dot com that’s S-o-o-p. It’s the international version of AfreecaTV. If you’re in Korea, you can watch many games on your usual cable channels and on one of the big 3 broadcast channels. One of the rare times a year they show sporting events. This…tends to piss off drama fans and has led to protests against the networks. But look, you already know who the lovely lady’s gonna pick at this point.
PM: Who? The player you were just talking about with the whip fetish? (whip sound)
SA: I give up.
PM: You know she’s going to fall in love with the bad boy billionaire chaebol son over the kind yet tough ex-marine. There, I’ve explained the plot of 59% of Korean dramas. You can thank me later.
SA: I guess that doesn’t really apply to the Joseon era dramas. No Chaebols back then. Anyway, I’ve already got my square antenna hooked up and ready to go for the one month in a year I use it.
PM: Antennas are square now? What happened to the rabbit ears?
SA: They got eaten.
Game of the week with special intro tune (tune is ready)
PM: Time for our game of the week! What is our game of the week, anyway?
SA: It’s the game that we think is the most worth watching in Korean sports!
PM: Yes, that’s evident in the name. So what is it?
SA: You go first.
PM: It’s your segment! You should go first.
SA: Oh, that’s right, it is! Uhhhh…There should be a baseball game this weekend…lemme look at the list…Ah! The wildcard winner vs LG at Jamsil on October 6th. It should be game 3 of the weekend series so we could see a sweep if LG’s as good as I believe. You?
PM: I guess you’d rather I didn’t hype up the start of the upcoming NHL season, huh? Buffalo and New Jersey in Prague? No? Fine. Then, check out the women’s volleyball tournament finals this Sunday at 1:30 as To Be Determined battles their arch rivals Club to Be Named Later in what should be a barn burner! Megawati fighting! I hope she has better luck than her namesake Megawati Sukarnoputri did in the 2004 Indoesnian Presidential election. But, hey, she still won Bali!
Ending:
PM: Thank you for tuning in today. Please share this podcast with your friends & family, anyone you think would be interested in irreverent takes on Korean Sports.
SA: Especially give this to rookies. They need alllll the help they can get.
PM: Don’t forget to rate our podcast, if the site you use has a rating system. But don’t do it if you don’t like us.
SA: You can email the show at hwatingsportspodcast at gmail.com or leave a comment on our various podcast sites. Hate mail will be read aloud on special episodes and ruthlessly mocked.
PM: Fan mail will be mocked but in a more wholesome way.
SA: Our next episode will be next week as we preview the K-League Playoffs! Find out who we think will raise the banner and the cup and the other things they’re playing for!
PM: We’ll also find out if the Ministry of Sports will red card them for hiring Hong again for the national team!
SA: Until then, sports fans! Have a happy and relaxing weekend!
PM: Guests of the Hwa-ting Sports podcast stay at Chun Doo-hwan’s Temple Stay. Looking for a relaxing weekend in order to recharge the batteries? Tough shit man! Prison cell accommodations in the middle of an abandoned farmland await. Be yelled at and be called a girl by one of our thuggish camp counselors. Enjoy meals of spoiled Spam and wilted lettuce. Try to escape and we’ll send you to the eye-poking church down the road. Skip the fun and stay with Chun!
Notes:
Sound Effect by UNIVERSFIELD from Pixabay
MyKBOstates.net
Naver Sports
Koreabaseball.com
Allison scene your heart dies on Youtube