Opener:

SA: Hello and welcome to Hwa-ting sports! I am Mr.S.

PM: And I’m Paul.

SA: And we are the hosts of Hwa-ting Sports podcast. We focus on sports played in South Korea, their history and other things of interest. You can find this podcast on Spotify and other spots, and episodes on our website, when we make one.

PM: What’s our credentials you ask? We’re long-time residents who’ve lived here for decades and we’ve been to sooo many sporting events! But the sports podcast market is a bit empty (cricket sounds) so you’ve got us and only us! With that, 1, 2, 3 Hwa-ting!

Opening Ceremonies

(Song: Green Ranger summons DragonZord)

PM: Wait, that’s not the song!

SA: Huh? I thought it was!

PM: No dumbass! That’s the Green Rangers song! This is the Olympics song!

(Song: Olympic Song by John Williams)

SA: Oh so that’s what it was! I thought that was the theme song to Tom & Jerry.

PM: No, no. Have you ever watched an opening ceremony? I suppose you’re too young to remember in ‘84 when the audience did a huge card stunt with placards displaying the flags of the world. I was impressed. Dead impressed.

SA: The first one I saw was Atlanta 96 and I only caught the part when Muhammed Ali lit the torch. So I missed the song a few times. Recently, my wife and I have only caught the middle  of the ceremony, mostly to look at the shirtless oiled-up Tonga athlete. 

PM: Oh yeah, him!

SA: In the ‘18 winter Olympics in Pyeongchang he went shirtless again and it was so cold the oil froze on his chest. He…uh, was regretting his fashion choices there.

PM: So what are you saying, the opening ceremonies aren’t worth your full attention? That Spanish archer in Barcelona who lit the cauldron with his bow and arrow in ‘92 needed to be shirtless and on a unicycle for you to have given a shit?

SA: Exactly. I only manage to catch them when I remember when they actually start. But work with me here.

PM: Oh god, I know where this fever dream is going…

SA: What if, in the London Olympics Opening Ceremony, the Queen parachuted into the stadium, pulled out the dragon dagger from a large stone like Excalibur, blew on it, and summoned the DragonZord from the floor? And then she used its finger rockets to light the Olympic flame! Now THAT would be an opening ceremony to remember. HAHAHAHA!

PM: It would be, yes. Oye…

SA: As you can tell, we’re going to talk about the Olympics!

PM: Specifically those that happened in Korea, as well as our preview for Korea’s Olympics team this year. Let’s dig right into it!

opening ceremonies and broadcasting scandals

SA: First we’ll talk about the opening ceremony coverage itself. Korea is a bit different from other places in that all 3 broadcast networks show the olympic games. In the USA, one large network spreads it out over their broadcast and cable networks plus online streaming shows. However, that’s not the problem.

PM: Well, it’s a problem but not the biggest problem, I’ll give you that.

SA: The Korean networks make their own Olympic opening ceremony coverage. And that has led to…problems.

PM: It can’t be as bad as NBC's Matt Lauer in 2012, right? 

SA: Errrr….

PM: Oh no….

SA: Let’s start with the Tokyo Olympics opening ceremony. MBC had little country profiles with each athlete group that walked onto the stadium grounds. So what did MBC choose for each country? Only the most stereotypical image for each country, along with COVID vaccination rates for some reason. 

PM: Well, are vaccination rates any less relevant than GDP, another stat they trot out for some reason. Anyway, Mr. S, was that the time they had Bitcoin as the symbol for El. Salvador?

SA: Yup. And they showed the wrong ocean for Micronesia. 

PM: That network was the one that showed pictures of Chernobyl for Ukraine too?

SA: Yup. And for Haiti they had pictures of burning tires and rioters with assault rifles.

PM: Wait a minute…Weren’t they also the ones that had the picture of Bela Lugosi as Dracula for Romania and he’s not even Romanian?

SA: Yup. One of their celebrity announcers said quote "African athletes probably have never seen snow," to which announcer Hur mentioned there being a number of ski resorts in South Africa. Listeners, you need to understand how bad MBC’s coverage was for the country. Ambassadors were called over this. According to the KoreaTimes, the head of MBCs news desk was forced to resign over this and I doubt he was the only one.

PM: If you want to see if your country was flamed by MBC’s opening ceremony coverage, there is a list on Yahoo News that we will put in the episode notes.

SA: This isn’t the only time MBC got in hot water over their opening ceremony blunders. In 2008 they said Ghana is the land Jesus was from because Ghana and Cana are spelled the same in Hangeul. They called Chad the quote “Dead heart of Africa” and called the Cayman Islands quote “ 'famous for establishing offshore funds,'” a reference to shady people stashing money there. 

PM: They could’ve at least described Chad as that cool guy from high school who’s now kind of a loser. But, yeah, that sounds like MBC. I heard they got punished for that too although probably not as much as they should’ve been. No one brought up the idea of taking the broadcasting rights from them at the next Olympics. Probably because no one even considered it.

SA: But they’re not the only broadcaster in the hot seat over their coverage. In 2016, all the networks got yelled at when several announcers made sexist remarks during the games. There were so many that viewers made a Google Doc called "Archiving of sexist remarks of 2016 Rio Olympics broadcasting." One of my favorites was quote “ "She participated in the London Olympics. She is 28 years old, which is old for a woman." and then the KBS announcer covering the beach volleyball segment said quote “ "We need to go to the beach with girls. With only male members, we have nothing to do except eat grilled pork."”

PM: I bet he was grilled pork after the KBS board heard from the government about his remarks.

SA: He probably was. 

PM: So I recommend tuning in to this year’s coverage on MBC. As you said before, while NBC and its partners will be broadcasting the Games in the US and the CBC and affiliates will be doing so in Canada, and the BBC in Britain and so forth, multiple networks carry them here in Korea. You might assume that this results in more events being shown but you’d be wrong. They’ll all be showing the same archery contests, the same fencing bouts and the same high jump competition. When Park Tae-hwan won Korea’s first swimming gold medal in 2008, there were complaints that the announcers went too far in losing their collective shit. Yet, it was explained to me at the time that none of them will change because of competition between the networks. If the play-by-play announcer on, say, KBS gives a more measured call, there would be worries that viewers won’t think they’re patriotic enough, rather than assuming that they’re being professionals.

SA: They’ll probably be on their best behavior this year. And speaking of years, the next topic is near and dear to your heart, isn’t it, Mr. p?

PM: Yes indeed.

88 Olympics & controversies, 

PM: (“Sings” Erasure’s “A Little Respect) “Seoul, I hear you calling, oh baby please, give a little respect to me…” So, Mr S, did you know that arguably the two biggest Canadian sports stories of all time happened within about a month and a half of each other?

SA: No, I wasn’t aware.

PM: Well, you are American, so why would you? The first was when Wayne Gretzky was traded from the Edmonton Oilers to the LA Kings in August of ‘88. Others were stunned and burned effigies of the owner of the Oilers but I was quite pleased. I hated Edmonton and recognized that this would open the door to the Calgary Flames finally winning a Stanley Cup, which they did. Unfortunately, this happened to be the same year my family moved to England where my dad was doing a teacher’s exchange so I missed the whole damn wonderful season. On the other hand, I wouldn’t be the man I am now without spending 88 and 89 in Britain so I guess it made up for missing Calgary’s lone Stanley Cup. Remind me again, how many cups do the Sharks have?

SA: Hey, at least we got to the finals this century. The Toronto Maple Leafs can’t even say that.

PM: I don’t know, man. By bringing up the Leafs, you’ve already lost the argument. Moving on, the other major story happened at the Seoul Olympics that September. You may have heard about this one. Ben Johnson was the first person to cross the finish line in the 100m sprint but they ended up giving the gold to the guy who came in second.

SA: That’s one way of looking at it.

PM: I was once in the Itaewon district of Seoul with some friends and we went into one of those old Russian dive bars. One of our group claimed that this was the pub that Ben Johnson was in when his beer got spiked with a steroid. What’s great about this anecdote is that it’s impossible to reconcile with the way Ben Johnson himself tells it yet still adds to the mythology of the whole thing. His story was that someone slipped something in his ale at the urine testing site. A lot of Candians would feel vindicated after it eventually came out that six of the eight sprinters in the 100m race in Seoul would be implicated in doping scandals. See? We aren’t the only ones who cheated!. In addition to the conspiracy theory over his beer being spiked, there were also rumours that they wanted to make an example of someone and it would be easy to pick on a Canadian rather than someone from one of the good countries. Maybe but they also could’ve gone after Carl Lewis since no one liked him. Anyway, as I was living in England by then, I got the mickey taken out of me for a while after that happened. I remember hearing “All Canadians use steroids!” in the halls at my school. A closer look at my scrawny, bean pole, bag of bones 11 year old physique at that time refuted this claim pretty easily. 

SA: Are there any other memories of the ‘88 Olympics you’d like to share?

PM: Well, how about Americans acting like corruption in boxing was invented at the Seoul Olympics in order to screw Roy Jones Jr out of a gold medal? 

SA: Well, it’s not like the controversies weren’t on our radar at the time. Look what happened to Hollyfield in 84. It’s just that 88 had so many, like the Carbajal match and the Foster match. 

PM: All of whom happen to be American! The point is, there was a great deal of corruption in boxing at the ‘84 Olympics but it largely got brushed aside until Roy Jones got screwed four years later. There’s even a story of a Korean boxing official being so furious over the crummy judging that he vowed revenge. Watch the light middleweight final in LA between Shawn O’Sullivan and Frank Tate and then tell me there weren't any shenanigans going on. I just wish Americans didn’t get to control the narrative in these situations all the time. Context is important.

SA: The format of Olympics boxing and the egos of the boxers themselves kind of lends itself to corruption allegations and misplaced punch counts. 

PM: Good point. And how about Flo-Jo? A 200m runner who retired after ‘84, made a comeback, suddenly looked all shredded, shattered world records, abruptly retired again and then passed away a decade later from heart failure. Nothing suspicious there. She was clever though: those long fingernails and bizarre outfits seemed to distract a lot of people. Speaking of which, did you hear that Florence Griffith once offered to take her rival sprinters out for manicures?

SA: No, what happened?

PA: They refused to Joyner.

SA: Groan.

PM: Finally, there’s the impression the Games left that Korea was no longer war-torn and poverty-stricken, previously only known for MASH and cheap clothing and electronics. The seeds of the Korean wave started with the ‘88 Olympics. On the other hand, it sometimes annoys me that these Olympics are often trotted out as an example of how a ruthless, authoritarian regime can be toppled by hosting a major international sporting event. It happened one time and Koreans should be grateful but I’m still waiting for democracy to arrive in China after they held the Olympics. If anything, you could say that hosting the Olympics makes cities and countries more authoritarian. Sorry, poor people, your neighborhood will have to be flattened in order to put up a temporary beach volleyball venue.

SA: Many of which are not used to capacity again. See the Brazil world cup for a good example.

PM: And speaking of not being used to capacity, let’s segue into your Olympics experience. 

18 Olympics,

SA: I’m going to talk about the 2018 Winter Olympics from my experience, since my wife and I actually went there. And it seems like I was one of a few who went. One of the odd things about the whole experience is the seemingly lack of interest many friends and students had in it. I mean, it’s the Olympics! If there were events close enough, with decent enough public transit and cheap enough tickets, why wouldn’t you go? Oh, wait…I know- staying there itself. There was a serious lack of places to stay. I remember hearing on the news about a possible cruise ship being used, but it turns out the North Korean delegation sent their own cruise ship. Yeah that’s right, the North Koreans participated, and even in a strange way! 

PM: Well it’s not really that strange, they’ve done it before.

SA: This time, the women’s ice hockey teams were combined, after Coach Murray already formed the starting lineups. I remember hearing on the news that, I shit you not, the reason why this team was merged was because they weren’t going to medal anyway. Well he was right- they got clobbered and lost all their games. But they scored one goal against Japan!

PM: The most important part! I was surprised about how inept they were because it’s not as if women’s hockey has much depth. It’s still very much a two nation show.

SA: As fun as that would have been to watch, alas my wife and I went to women’s ice hockey and mixed curling the first 3 days, because we went to New Zealand on the following Monday. And let me spill the tea about that! First off, during one of the curling matches, the Russian guy pushed his teammate out of the way and kept scrubbing the ice. Like damn! She was doing fine on her own!

PM: He sounds like he was on drugs!

SA: He was! Canada won gold and COUGH Olympic athletes from Russia Cough won bronze but that got shifted to Norway after the athlete tested positive for a banned Soviet-era substance. 

PM: It was his version of the LSD No-hitter from the 1970s! (Laughter)

SA: He probably was seeing the stone move in slow motion! (laughter) 

PM: It boggles the mind that there are PEDs for curlers. Anyway, who else did you see? Any famous people?

SA: I don’t recall seeing Kim Jeong Un’s sister at the Japan vs Sweden ice hockey game but the North Korea Taekwondo team were in the stands. And Shinzo Abe, the prime minister, walked by my section. They were losing at the time so he didn’t stick around long. Oh, and one more famous person, but we saw her on TV at the Airbnb in the evening. 

PM: Don’t leave us in suspense!

SA: One of our best friends went to the Canada vs Russia game and they put her on TV every time Canada scored! You’re gonna love this part- she’s a 60 something woman from Scotland and she was sitting with her Canadian friends. But the cameraman kept focusing mainly on her, shaking her fist while her friends jumped up and down. We took a screenshot and shared it with her and told her the cameraman had a crush on her!

PM: I’ve seen that happen on TV a few times. Cameramen or the producers certainly have their faves. TV cameras always seem to pick up the pretty girls at baseball games. Except for that time I was apparently on Korean TV. I guess I stood out since I was wearing my old Nexen Heroes cap. The couple that ran the fried chicken joint we used to go to told me they saw me. But one more thing about your Scottish TV star friend: did she ever get to meet her secret admirer?

SA: Naah, but she got to wave to the players in the parking lot. A good evening in all respects.

PM: So Gangneung city on the coast had the ice events and Pyeongchang resorts held the snow events. Did you go to any of the snow events?

SA: No, and we are glad we didn’t! It was, in the words of many a person I know who did, like visiting the 8th circle of hell. 

PM: It was so cold that time itself froze, I suppose?

SA: In Gangneung during the day it was minus 5. Up there in Pyeongchang they were getting minus 15 to minus 35 plus Siberian winds. The gusts were so strong they had to postpone events! Not only that, there were problems with seating for one of the events so my friend had to stand in an open booth and look at the event on the TV. I mean, what was the point of buying the ticket then? He also said the automated buses broke and he had trouble getting back to the KTX station in town. I don’t think he was there on the 14th when the gusts ripped up tents and knocked over soda machines in the Olympic village. 

PM: It was too cold for the snow events? Isn’t that like, the point?

SA: Yeah, these days, it’s not cold enough and you need artificial snow on some slopes. But being able to see Olympians in person is inspiring in some ways.

PM: If you’re a single guy, it certainly inspires you in romantic ways.

SA: Oh there was a lot of lovin’ going on at the Olympic village. Not much else to do around town, although the gift shops had some cool souvenirs and postcards. 

PM: And now we will talk about some of South Korea’s famous Olympians. 

Park Tae Hwan/An San,

We’re going to talk more about them in a special episode next year. Just a rundown of some famous names. 

SA: Famous Korean olympians, here we go. Let’s try to name 5. Number 1: Kim Yun Ah the ice skating prodigy. AKA Queen Yuna. She actually lit the torch at the 18 olympics.

PM: I believe she has appeared in one or two TV commercials over the years as well.

SA: Yeah, not too many. They didn’t overdo it.

PM: Number 2: Yang Jung-mo who was the first ever gold medalist to represent South Korea. He nabbed a gold in wrestling at the ‘76 Olympics in Montreal. Apparently, the parade held in his honour in Seoul was attended by so many people that it would make the city’s many demonstrators' eyes water. Fun fact: he has one more gold than the entire Canadian team at those games which took place in, checks notes, Canada?!? I blame the East Germans for this unprecedented futility by the host nation.

SA: Number 3: An San the archery hero. She won 3 golds in Tokyo but she didn’t even make the cut at this year’s olympics. That’s how tight the competition is in Archery here.

PM: And yet, I have still never met anyone in this country who is involved in archery. Where are all these Korean archers hiding??? 

SA: Indeed. We’ll talk more about her in a future episode.

PM: Number 4: Team Kim, aka the Garlic Girls, aka Annie, Steak, Pancake, Sunny and the other one. The women’s curling team from the town of Uiseong in North Gyeongsang Province who won a surprise silver at the Pyeongchang games. They won the hearts of the nation and turned curling from an obscurity to something people seem to vaguely know about now. They had a third nickname which somehow didn’t catch on. Do you know what it is, Mr S?

SA: Enlighten me Paul.

PM: The Cur-Vengers. Advice for any movie directors and producers out there: go with something else when you’re trying to think of a title for the inevitable biopic.

SA: Here’s one for ya. Park Tae Hwan the Marine Boy. Korea’s most famous swimmer, whose career was cut short by a doctor’s mistake with steroids and the President Park scandal. We’ll have to talk about him in a future episode. 

PM: As you say, we’ll get to him another time but wasn’t he in three Olympics? Would you really say his career was cut short if he got to be at three of ‘em?

SA: These days it seems like the same people are always at the Olympics. But this Olympics, our local team is going to be a bit understaffed. Time for our olympics preview! (Olympics song again) 

Olympic preview

SA: It’s not going to be a banner year for South Korea according to the Korean Olympic Committee. But it’s not all thorns for the South Korean delegation. They’re expecting 5 gold medals, according to press releases in the Korean Herald. This would be their lowest number of wins since the 70s but barely under their 2020 prediction. Under 150 athletes are participating this year with notable absences like the soccer teams and the volleyball teams. 

PM: But hey, the women’s handball team made it.

SA: A lot of individual athletes like swimming, shooting, judo, fencing, badminton, and archery of course, got in. We even sent a breaker, breakdancer whatever.

PM: There’s also a modern pentathlete who’s expected to do well. This presumably means that we’ll get to see the modern pentathlon on TV, and on all three networks at the exact same time to boot. Along with water polo, it’s one of those events that you never see on TV so I’m interested in checking it out. So, do you think any of these Olympic athletes will get lost?

SA: Oh, like the Kenyan skier who went to Pyeongyang by accident when he thought he was going to Pyeongchang? Which…uh, doesn’t have an airport. The closest one is in Yangyang. 

PM: At least the North Koreans let him go. So what do you think has caused this decline in the number of Korean Olympic athletes? Declining population? Economic stagnation? A young generation content to do little more than play League of Legends?

SA: Just wait till they add that to the Olympic schedule.

PM: Oh, it’s coming. It was added to the Asian Games last year. 

Worst Persons

SA: (Music starts up) Yup it’s that time again. We weren’t planning on this segment today but…damn! I wish I could give them all plutonium for failure. Today’s worst persons in the sports world! Family edition!

The Nap or Lead award goes to…Hall of Fame LPGA golfer Pak Se Ri’s father. He was accused by the Seri Pak Hope Foundation of forging a private document to establish an international golf school on behalf of the foundation, according to reports in the Joongang Daily. However, Ms. Park herself hasn’t agreed to set up a golf school in the country and the agreement stamp on the document was forged. Last month she gave a tearful press conference saying quote "Things have crossed the line and I can no longer take on his problems". Fortunately for Ms. Pak she’s been able to join the commentary team for the olympics. Sometimes with celebrities in Korea, family problems cost celebrities and politicians their careers.

PM: I have a question.

SA: Go ahead.

PM: Is forging a stamp a thing in this country? Obviously I’ve heard of forged signatures but forging someone’s stamp? That’s a new one for me!

SA: I’d imagine he had a shop make a copy of hers without her knowledge. But that’s a matter for the courts to decide at this point. Moving on…

SA: The Radon award for pure radioactive bullshittery goes to… Son Heung Min’s father. Last month he was accused of child physical abuse at his soccer camp in Okinawa last March. According to police reports mentioned in the Joongang Daily, Son’s father hit a child in the thigh with a corner flag, and other players were hit by other coaches in the dormitory they were staying at. Also of note, I saw a photo of one of the victims, with a large discoloration on the thigh. Son’s father denies he and the coaches committed the acts in a statement with Yonhap news, but he also stated quote "I admit that I stuck to my own ways without recognizing the standards set by the changing times”. (pause for effect) Yo…news flash! The quote standards unquote changed 20 years ago! Coaches hitting kids has been as dead as TGI Fridays! Players have written memoirs detailing the beatings and bullying they took in their training days. You wanna know why some players got the yips? Look at their childhood coaches and their techniques. 

SA: Finally, and you’re wondering what could be worse than abusive coaches, we have the Plutonium award. Today’s worst person is Hwang Ui-Jo’s sister-in-law. There’s a huge backstory to this that will take a long time to cover. The only reason why I brought it up is because the appellate court has recently upheld the 3 year prison term she got for blackmailing and leaking content of Hwang Ui Jo of Nottingham Forest and the national team. She was mad about her husband, Hwang’s brother, traveling overseas with him and managing his non-sports life, according to her confession. Since she had control of his phone, she uploaded explicit pictures and videos showing Hwang with women on Instagram while presenting herself as a former lover in June last year, according to reports in the Korea Times. Hwang himself is now facing charges for non consensual filming of a sexual encounter with another woman. So you’ve got cheating, unauthorized filming, Instagram leaks, blackmail and damaged sports careers. This sounds more like the plot of a Knives Out movie than real life. And that is why she is….today’s….worst PERSON in the SPORTS WORLD!

PM: A tip for high performance athletes in this country: you might want to check up on what members of your family are getting up to. Just a thought.

Ending:

PM: Thank you for tuning in today. Please share this podcast with your friends & family, anyone you think would be interested in irreverent takes on Korean Sports.

SA: Especially give this to rookies. They need alllll the help they can get.

PM: Don’t forget to rate our podcast, if the site you’ve got has a rating system. But don’t do it if you don’t like us.

SA: You can email the show at hwatingsportspodcast at gmail.com or leave a comment on our various podcast sites. Hate mail will be read aloud on special episodes and ruthlessly mocked.

PM: Fan mail will be mocked but in a more wholesome way.

SA: Our next episode will be up in two weeks, in which we talk about the K-League.

PM: Blow the whistle. (whistle sound) There will be cards shown. But they’ll be no VAR, we promise.

SA: Until then, sports fans! Have a happy and relaxing summer vacation!

PM: Guests of the Hwa-ting Sports podcast stay at any number of abandoned athletes villages around the world. The rooms may not be what they once were but take a deep breath and you might just get a whiff of hard work and determination…and possibly the smell of Olympic athletes copulating on an endorphin high.

SA: 50 thousand condoms may not be enough. Thank you all and have a wonderful day!